The coach for the irreplaceable coach
Hello all! Welcome to my first blog post. My name is Sarah, and I am a doula serving in Spokane, WA and the surrounding areas. I am so excited to be sharing my thoughts, birthing wisdom, and little pregnancy tidbits in this space. Welcome here! The partner of the laboring person in the first birth I attended was an absolute rock and lifeline for the laboring person. This post is written in his honor, and I hope these words help many partners understand the benefits of having a doula with them so they can be the best partners they can be!
When most people think of doulas, they probably imagine them side by side with the laboring person: coaching them through breath, holding their hand through contractions, or giving them a relaxing massage. While all of this is an absolutely accurate depiction of the doula’s role, the doula also supports the laboring person’s partner throughout the entire experience, and the doula never attempts to take the partner’s place. Why would they? Who better to support the person in labor than their number one support person, whether that be their mother, a romantic partner, or a best friend.
When a family hires a doula, they don’t just hire her so she can support the one in labor, take over the partner’s role, and completely ignore the partner’s needs and desires. No. Their doula is there to support all parties in “Birthing Day”, and with the doula there, the partner is able to be even more present and attentive to their laboring person’s needs. Here are three specific ways I, Sarah, the doula, can support the partner while the partner supports the laboring person.
Mentally:
With me, a professionally trained doula, in the birth room, the partner can rely on my birth expertise and level-headedness. Hopefully a birth plan has been thoughtfully prepared before labor starts, but birth plans are a living document, meaning things are subject to change as labor progresses! I am there to ground both parents intellectually and remind them of their wishes, which will help them have a more positive experience. Does the birthing person value delayed chord clamping? What is the code word, again? I am there to remember all the details, so the partner doesn’t have to. I can also share with you the risks and benefits of different medical procedures as they are brought up for discussion in the birth room.
Physically:
This one is plain and simple. Imagine, partners, that the person you are helping get through the labor rushes (contractions) is leaning on you, but also loved when you were pushing and massaging their back a few minutes ago. You can’t do both, so…solution?! ME, a doula! While they lean on you, I can massage their back or provide counter pressure to alleviate any pain they are experiencing. And that’s just one example of a labor position where we work together. I have a whole slew of ideas we can play with! I will also keep providing support for them while you take a much deserved (and needed) rest. Don’t feel guilty about this rest. You will need your energy and strength when it’s time to support them in pushing that baby out! Whether that’s a nap, a bathroom break, or a trip downstairs for coffee and a cookie, I will be present, so the laboring person is never alone and always supported.
Emotionally:
No one wants to see those they love in pain. But here’s the truth: for most women, labor involves pain. That pain is bringing the baby closer and closer to both of you, but it can be hard to see that in the moment. I am there to remind you of that truth and help you through this intense experience. I will give you pointers during the labor of what you can say to them to help them release, open up, and surrender to the rushes (contractions). I will offer you all the direction and support I can so you can best emotionally support your laboring partner.
I hope this blog was helpful to all you future supporting partners! I’d love to know your thoughts in the comments below.