nina’s birth story

Nina and Phil are the first clients I’ve taken on who I knew before becoming their doula. It was such an honor to be chosen and trusted by dear friends to walk with them on this journey. I’m so glad I don’t have to say goodbye to them! Please enjoy Nina’s birth story below.

It was Friday night and Phil and I had ordered “extra spicy” take out thai (meaning 2 stars instead of 1) in the hopes that the labor-inducing myth would prove true. We decided to watch the Downton Abbey movie and were almost finished when I started to feel period-like cramps along with the Braxton hicks I’d been having for weeks. Was it the thai food?! Or the dates, curb-walking, red raspberry leaf tea, and exercise ball sitting…we’ll never know. This was around 10:30 pm. I felt a jolt of excitement, realizing that this could actually be it. Recognizing that labor could pick up quickly, I encouraged Phil to finish packing his hospital bag and asked him to do the dishes while I went to sleep. I hoped to get some rest before things ramped up, knowing that I’d likely be up all night. After an hour or so of light rest, my cramps picked up intensity to the point where I couldn’t sleep through them. I went downstairs and started laboring. I guess this was it?! The whole idea of rating the intensity of contractions makes no sense when it’s a sensation you’ve never felt before and you’re rating on a scale you have no idea the start or end of. I started keeping track of how far apart my contractions were around 12:40. An hour or so later I unexpectedly threw up, and called for Phil to come downstairs. I was proud of the fact that I had labored alone for the first part and had given Phil a chance to store up as much sleep as possible before the long night. Phil took over keeping track of contractions and they continued to get closer and closer together. Before long they were 4-5 minutes apart and we started scrambling to gather our bags, realizing we needed to get to the hospital! Phil called Sarah, our doula, and she calmly assured us she’d meet us there. I was still “with it” enough to remember to leave a key for Brooke to come get Wilder. Speaking of Wilder, she had sensed me going into labor! We have a video of her staring us down from behind the big blue chair. Normally she would be curled at our feet sleeping during a movie, but she was keeping an eye on me, sensing something big coming.

The drive to the hospital was not fun. Movement was key for me during contractions, so to literally be strapped down did not feel great. Phil ran a red light, which made me feel like we were in the movies. We pulled into the ER since it was the weekend. I was glad I had asked the midwives where to go if we went into labor on the weekend! We had to wait in the ER lobby for the triage nurse to take us back. It was so quiet I felt strange having contractions inside, so I’d step outside each time I felt one coming. After what felt like forever, a nurse came to take us back to the birth center. He offered a wheel chair, which I declined. Again, not wanting to be strapped in. Also wanting to feel capable on my own two feet. As we started the walk I felt the irresistible urge to throw up again. The only bag in sight was our full-to-the-brim snack bag (in hindsight…who eats snacks during labor?!) Not wanting to lose our food supply, but also not wanting to make a mess on the hospital floor, I grabbed the bag and dumped its contents out. I have a distinct memory of throwing up as the open box of jelly beans cascaded across the sterile, empty hallway. Because of course I had opened the jelly beans to snack on the week before at home. When I came to there were three security guards surrounding me, looking for a way to help. I cracked a joke with the mini crowd, “Jelly beans anyone?” After that the nurse decided I did indeed need the wheelchair and we set off again for the birth center. As we got checked in, Sarah showed up. She stayed with our bags while Phil and I went back with Lindsey, our amazing nurse for the night, to get checked. Turns out I was already 6 or 7 centimeters dilated, which was encouraging!

We were brought back to our hospital room and were pleasantly surprised by the size and the view. The city lights spread out below us. It was around 3:00 am. As I entered active labor, all of my energy and focus turned inward. Most of my memories from this point onward are in sound form, since my eyes were closed most of the time. It took a lot of focus to even open one eye at a time. I labored standing up and would walk to the head of the bed during the peak of a contraction to hold onto the wall. Phil and Sarah would offer me sips of water, cold wash cloths, and the puke bag when needed. Sarah was key in offering ideas to help labor progress. For example, she suggested that I make deeper sounds with my contractions, as this is proven to keep things moving along. When she sensed I was fighting against the contraction instead of flowing with it, she would say “Don’t run away from your body”. This was such a helpful reminder to lean into the process, as this is where progress is made. I had to make the intentional effort to remain present in my body. I remember making it a point to ask Phil specifically for things, since I wanted to make sure he felt needed too. Mashid (our amazing midwife) was in and out since she had another birth to attend to that was progressing at the same rate as mine. I didn’t feel abandoned, since she made such a point of connecting whenever she came and went. In addition to Lindsey, there was another nurse who was tasked with monitoring me. Apparently our baby’s heart rate was fluctuating and dipping a bit low at times, so she needed to keep an eye on it. Unfortunately this meant holding a stethoscope onto the most painful part of my belly through contractions. At one point I pushed her hand away and said “That’s annoying”.

There came a point where the contractions were so close together it felt like I never got a full break from them. It also felt like I had been laboring forever and was starting to doubt my ability to continue on. The idea of an epidural fluttered back into mind and I thought about asking for it. I also remembered Sarah’s “policy” that I would need to ask for it three times before getting it and I remember thinking to myself “I don’t have time for that”. After throwing up again, I said “I don’t think I can do this”. I wish at this point someone would have assured me that I was in the transition stage of labor. But perhaps they didn’t want to give me false hope. The anesthesiologist came to the door to see if I wanted to be “interviewed”. I guess this is a routine thing that they do, but I wondered if they had come because of all the noise I was making. I didn’t answer and they went away. Or perhaps someone shooed them away. At this point Sarah suggested that I take a warm shower to get some relief. I didn’t get that far though, because after sitting on the toilet and getting back up my water finally broke! It happened just like it does in the movies – in one huge gush of liquid! Honestly I had forgotten this step still needed to happen. But when it did I felt a huge sense of relief. I also felt more pressure. Phil told me later that he was terrified when this happened because Sarah ran out to get Mashid (since water breaking meant the pushing stage could come soon) and it was just him and me in the bathroom as I let out enormous sounds in the echo-y space. 

They asked me if I wanted to continue in the bathroom or head back out into the main room. I chose the main room and as I hobbled out, I saw that lots of others were coming into the room wheeling carts and supplies. I asked who all the people were and Mashid let me know they were there to help with delivery. This was so encouraging to hear, because it meant baby was coming soon! The sun had come up and I felt renewed energy with the light of day. I spent most of my pushing time on all fours on the bed. This is how I had envisioned pushing and it felt good to follow my instincts with each contraction. The pressure increased and I asked the group, “Should it feel like pushing out the biggest poop of your life?” I was encouraged by the resounding “YES!” I received, and continued on. At one point Sarah showed me a chart with images and asked if any of the other positions looked appealing. I appreciated the visuals, since words were harder to process. I pointed at one and moved into a deep squat on the floor, holding onto the bed.

While I knew this was the position needed to move baby down, it also made it impossible to get a break from the intense pressure in between contractions. I made a choice to “keep him” in that intense place because I knew this is what was needed to bring him out. My arms started to give out and I asked Phil to hold me. He held me up under my armpits as I held my squat. I remember looking down at my arm and having a strange moment of clarity realizing it was purple from the bloodflow being cut off by his grip. Mashid asked me to pivot out so she could keep an eye on things without needing to look underneath the bed. Baby’s head was crowning and Mashid asked if I wanted to feel his head. At first I felt freaked out by this, but then changed my mind and reached down to feel him. As I let out the most intense war cry of my life, his head and then whole body came out in what felt like one fell swoop. I sat back on Phil’s lap and the rest of our baby came out and he was quickly placed on my belly so we were all together in one heap. This was the most emotional moment of my life – all together in a pile on the floor with my family. Phil and I were both crying tears of joy! Teddy was here! The shakes then came over me and I shivered uncontrollably as Phil cut Teddy’s cord. Lindsey placed a warm blanket over me as Mashid pressed on my stomach to have the placenta come out. Doctor Hilton was then brought in to stitch me up. His bedside manner wasn’t the best, so Mashid walked me through what he was doing. I didn’t realize that I had torn pretty badly – a level 3 tear. Later on I wondered whether I could have avoided this by choosing a less intense position, but Mashid assured me that I had followed my instincts in the moment which is the best thing I could have done. 

After all the commotion of the birth settled, Phil and I were left to get to know Teddy a bit more. I remember only being able to see his fuzzy shoulders for the first while since he was nuzzled in so close to my chin. Once I could see his face I was surprised by how beautiful he was! He didn’t have the alien look of a newborn like we had expected. He was perfect. We soaked in the joy of studying his face and texting our friends and family pictures. Teddy had joined us at 8:13 am, weighing 7 pounds 2.5 ounces. I had labored through the dark of night, emerging as a new mother with the light of a new day. I felt strong and empowered and capable of anything. When people ask me how the birth was, it feels wrong to say “good” since that word implies ease. It was the most difficult experience of my life, but also the most rewarding. I feel incredibly grateful to have felt supported by my team and connected to my body and my baby in this experience. I have such a deep respect for all women who have given birth and will never think of birth the same way! Teddy is a gift from God who was so anticipated and now so highly cherished.