meredith’s birth story

Meredith was my first home birth client, and it was an amazing experience. She handled birth like an absolute champ - she breathed through contractions with confidence, told her team what she did and did not like, and persevered because she knew the end goal would be so worth it in the end. It was an absolute honor to be apart of her fantastic birth team. I hope you enjoy her story. She’s a wonderful writer as well as a wonderful new mother!!

I had made all the arrangements and plans to have a successful home birth with the loving father of my baby, my supportive and excited mother, my nurturing, comforting, and kind-hearted doula, my sister to take pictures and who had never seen anything born, and my talented, capable, and confident midwife and midwife assistant. I was simply waiting for the Braxton Hicks to become real labor. I started losing my mucus plug over the last weekend in June, sending a picture to my doula, Sarah, which was so weird and gross to me but normal to her. As the color changed, she let me know that the pinkish stuff was likely the bloody show she/we were waiting for. Sarah kindly put up with all my questions, weird pictures, and uncertainties about what labor really would feel like or turn into. She nailed the signals down for labor. Neither of us knew that labor had actually been a couple hours out from then. The feelings of contractions began around 11:00am on Tuesday the 30th of June, and I texted Sarah to let her know that I was feeling different about these. Steadily growing closer together and increasing in intensity, I texted Mason at work and let him know that I was likely in early labor from what Sarah and I had concluded. It's important to note that he had gone to work Monday morning, to the fire station Monday night where he had some rough calls and no sleep, back to work again Tuesday morning, then Maghnus decided neither of us were going to get much, if any sleep Tuesday night. Regardless, he finished out his work day, and I spent Tuesday afternoon hanging out with my mom. I took a bath and that did nothing to change the contractions intensity or consistency. I had four during dinner, BBQ chicken and green beans. I had more during the movie we all tried to sit through with John Cena and fire fighting. Trying my best to never let the uncomfortable tightening, spreading from the starting point in my back, up and around my hips, then through my abdomen, show on my face. I could not stay still any longer. Ending up in the shower with the beginning of the playlist I created for meeting my little peanut, I realized the intensity and duration was increasing. I needed to breathe. I stood there for quite a few contractions and what felt like an hour, but the movie was still playing when I got out and made it back upstairs.

Being stubborn, I did my best to go through the motions of our normal nightly routine, even going so far as to get in bed. But as Mason was falling asleep, I just kept feeling the spaces and rests getting shorter and shorter. Mom had told me that she would not be going to bed any time soon, and I was welcome to hang out with her. The mental games and phone screen held no interest and did not provide ample enough distraction even though it felt great to be cuddling Mason, so I went back up the stairs to where my mom had chosen a new movie. When I knew everything I had read about doing and trying to make it to the next contraction really stopped working, it was around midnight, the middle of Beauty and the Beast was playing, and I finally could not continue singing under my breath. Even Emma Watson and the Beast's duets could not keep me from squirming around and changing positions. So I waddled down the stairs (due to the fact that the pressure was increasing in my pelvis), and tried to focus on getting to the bottom using my feet and not gravity.

Crawling with all the grace a heavy pregnant lady possesses, I make it into the bed. Not laying but on my hands and knees. I felt the tightening in a more controlled and familiar way while I was in this position. Being a bit less than still, I finally woke Mason up with either my fidgeting or extreme cuddling just a bit after I rejoined him. The next few waves brought more intense tightening. Drawing all my focus and years of experience being an athlete to pull through on my own. I related each wave as a plank or the final 60 foot stretch to home plate. As an athlete I could push aside the delicate and slightly dramatic side of my everyday personality. So I channeled my energy as this would be the biggest physical feat of my life so far. Mason asked if it was time to call Sarah, to call the doula. Yes. So, he quietly called her from my phone just past midnight after I finally agreed to needing more support, and she started getting ready to labor with me.

Mason continued to be a loving supporter while I continued to quietly labor, and he got everything set up for the Doula's arrival.

When Sarah walked into the room around 1:30am, I felt the shift away from any doubt I had that this was a false alarm. This was really happening. I was going to meet my baby. At home. With everyone who loved and cared who I wanted and needed there. Playing the playlist I had made, I knew in those first few contractions with Sarah that I had made the best decision for myself. I felt so much pride for advocating for my own wishes and accomplishing my dreams for my son's birth. I had an amazing, comforting, and knowledgeable Doula, and I knew afterward that made all the difference.

The next few hours flew by in a way only people who have been intimate with labor would understand. Mason was supportive with his words and comforting touch while Sarah held counter pressure and reminded me gently to breathe with a purpose. We tried hands and knees on the bed, leaning with my hands on the bed, elbows on the peanut ball while on and off the bed with my knees, me leaning into Mason like we were slow dancing, bouncing squatted on the peanut ball in the hallway. Every position was broken up by a break from the tightening and frequent bathroom visits. We had time to laugh and learn about Sarah, my mom's labors, and tell stories between rounds of purposeful breathing and tightening. My mom and Sarah sent Mason to take a couple naps while they stayed with me. Mason even fell asleep in bed with me after attempting a side-lying position, which was sweet and comforting because I knew he needed those few hours rest to be able to have a better experience with the birth of his son.

They talk about being in the zone as if personifying a sports poster. Finding such an intense, unwavering, timeless focus that hours pass by and contractions seem so distanced yet overlapping was amazing. If it were not for Sarah, my mom, and Mason, I would have been too focused on all the reasons not to continue managing the intensity. The change in location in the

house to the living room to the hallway to the bedroom kept the experience from becoming monotonous. I was embracing every change to the best of my ability. Listening to the songs that I had carefully picked out for my baby and Mason brought all the happy, excited, and loving feelings into my atmosphere even when I found it harder and harder to cope. My team pushed me and supported me in the heat of every moment until Rebekah and Emily arrived.

Deciding the midwife would soon be needed, Sarah, who had communicated with Rebekah from the time she arrived to help me, assessed my contractions and had been timing their duration and frequency. We were finally on what everyone thought would be the final bit of time before transition. Rebekah and Emily arrived like a beautiful sign the end was near. I had so much anticipation, so many nerves, and a surprising amount of optimism when Rebekah checked to see the progress that my body and Maghnus had been making. She got all set up and had me lay on the bed. Disappointment did not have a place in my dream birth plan, so I pushed any and all negative reactions straight out the door of my mind when the midwife checked and said my cervix was at 4 cm dilated. At that point, we had been laboring for close to 18 or 19 hours. My contractions were working hard and were close together, but it was not enough yet. So, I knew I would carry on carrying Maghnus until he was good and ready. She said keep on letting the tightenings do their work. Let his head create more pressure and embrace the intensity without fighting it. Movement creates movement. With refreshed purpose, we labored on with walking stairs and doing all the position changes Sarah suggested. The labor carried on.

The midwife team made their second appearance after their nice breakfast outing and my intensifying couple of hours. Checking my cervix, she said 6cm and asked if I would like to see if she could stretch/massage my cervix to a 7. Why not? So she managed to force some further progress, but the poor baby has his head tilted. I was not expecting that news. Never getting discouraged, Rebekah said we can open up my right hip and tilt his head back using some techniques during contractions. So sideways stairs, lunging, forward leaning, sifting, and Sarah all helped to make more intense progress in repeating pattern. Each step of this circuit made the exercise of the next contraction seem like it would be more fun. Not. If Sarah and Mason had not held my hand and kept my tiring body marching sideways up and down those stairs, I would not have had the discipline. I finally reached a point on those stairs where I knew I had moved from strength to willpower to continue on. Rebekah finally decided we should do another check, so back down the stairs we went.

I was not setting any expectations for this check, prepared for no progress at all. My cervix was at 8cm. So close but so far from being 10cm. Emily and Rebekah had a discussion, and then Rebekah asked if she could break my waters. Being fully intact and "bulging," the hope was breaking my water would speed along labor and bring the baby's head down lower. I agreed, knowing that the contractions were likely to pick up in pace and intensity. Out came the

amnihook, and soon, out came the water. A lot of water. Like I had just-completely-emptied-my-bladder-twice amount of water. Because of my newfound water leaking, I got to wear my first diaper since childhood.

Much to my delight I had gone from 8 cm to roughly 9cm! But much to my dismay, there were still more stairs to climb. Here we all were, back in the living room, with the stairs. Having six people around while mostly naked would have horrified me before, but now there was no shame with just a bra and a depends. I needed everyone else to be strong because my physical strength was lessening by the hour. Mason kept a strong hold when he took over for Sarah, keeping my hand firmly in his while he forced/encouraged me to climb the stairs. I was over it, but I did not want to lose the momentum toward progress in meeting Maghnus. The breathing technique that had been amazingly helpful the entire morning was losing its effect on my ability to cope. That is when Sarah introduced a more complicated but effective breathing technique. I remember holding on to Mason like we were slow dancing when the urge to push hit hard. There was no maybe now I should think about bearing down; it was an undeniable fact that I needed to push.

We make it back downstairs to the prepared bed, and this part all kind of turned into a blur of intensity mixed with every emotion from petrified to euphoric. I remember changing positions and slightly snapping at Mason about chocolate milk. I think he wanted me to drink some. Then I remember the midwife massaging my cervix back over the baby’s head and how isolated that pinching pain felt even through a contraction. I never realized just how many obstacles were between the baby’s head and the world until he hit every one of them on the way out. A cervix lip that refused to let his head pass through, pubic bones that had to be pried apart by Rebekah’s hands--from the inside--and an exhausted energy reserve were all hurdles Maghnus faced. Sarah and the others probably remember more of the pushing process than I do.

(Feel free to add your perspective in here if you’d like, Sarah!)

Telling my mom in between some contractions that I was not sure I could push him out, she said she would do it for me if she could. I saw the love, more specifically I saw a mother’s love, in her in that moment. That refueled me; I was going to know that love from her perspective soon. Refocused, Mason was behind me and Sarah and my mom were beside me, holding my hands, my legs, wiping my forehead, neck, face, I was ready to push. I felt so much love and comfort surrounding me, then my mom had me feel Maghnus’s hair. I was so on the verge of tears because I did not feel like I was making any progress until then. I mustered all the strength I had left and pushed and pushed and pushed.

People talk about the ring of fire as the baby’s head passes through the birth canal, but I never felt it. I felt the intensity of his head then sudden relief as it finally left my body. His shoulders

were next and almost more painful than his head as they passed through with ample amounts of water shooting and running out after him. (I did not even realize until I saw the pictures just how much fluid pooled around me on the bed). It felt like forever in a moment as the midwife slid him onto my still rounded tummy. He made his first little noises and had a significant cone on his head, but he was out. He was here. I was shaking so hard and knew I was not the only one. Mason looked amazed and in love. Both of my boys were so beautiful in that moment. I could hardly hold my head up, yet I have never felt stronger. Maghnus. My mom. Mason. Sarah. Ella. Emily. Rebekah. The emotions in the room. I will never forget the moments as each of them captured my appreciation, respect, love, and absolute trust. It was the most euphoric experience in my entire life, better than all the other achievements, awards, congratulations, and milestones I have had.